Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage ...

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May 16, 2012 12:26 PM

I will try to keep this concise. Wife and I married 8/11/07. About a year into the marriage I confessed having a serious problem with pornography that stemmed from childhood. Spent from November of 2008 until present counseling, reading books, joined a support group, stayed sober from porn, got accountability partners in place in every area of daily life,filters on computers, passwords that only my wife knew,no access to computers without supervision etc...... I feel I have done a very good job in removing that trash from my life and our marriage. NOW - in the course of that time things did not go well. Wife refuses still to forgive me for damage done to our sexual relationship,our connection as a couple, we have not had children, and she got verbally and physically abusive in the last 2.5 years. She had what I would call an emotional affair with a man involved at her business. She is what I would consider now a binge drinker.... Not drinking daily but when she does it gets ugly. She got a DWI. She has put herself in compromising positions with members of the opposite sex in front of my sister, friends, her sister, etc..... In all of those instances someone was there to save her from a potential bad situation. I have remained faithful thru all of this, praying daily that God would invade her life and turn her around. I have forgiven her for these things trying to be empathetic to her pain, hurt, damaged trust, etc..... I just kept telling myself that she was just lashing out at me cuz I hurt her and I figured at some point she would stop this hurtful destructive pattern she was on. March 6, 2012 she moved out. I did my best to keep the peace. I helped her with her things and didn't go off the deep end. She moved 80 miles from our home and rented a house. I have maintained that I don't want to divorce and that I think we can save this. She feels that I am responsible to fix the marriage and wants no part in helping. She does not stay in contact with me unless she has a problem or needs money. I still love her and miss her and I just don't know what to do.....? She keeps talking divorce and I am a very Christian man who in the past 4 years have recommited my life to Christ and following him as best as I can day by day. I know I made huge mistakes but am starting to feel hopeless! I know we have hope in Christ and his promises for us. I do trust he has a plan and has this in total control. People in my life are starting to suggest I let go and move on or ask me what I'm trying to save. This just breaks my heart because I want to save my marriage. Both our parents are praying that it will heal and be saved yet when her parents attempt to speak with her she just shuts them down. The serenity prayer keeps coming to mind and I find myself wondering if this is something I need to accept that I cant change??? I totally own my responsibility in the damage done to our marriage but I have poured myself into trying to resolve and mend the marriage. Looking for any advice anyone out there has. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them best I can. I am new to this online community so I hope I'm doing this right!

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